As you all know I have been through A LOT this past 12 months, from being in a relationship where I wasn't getting the attention that I wanted, to having a miscarriage, to being a depression for six and a half months, to finally shaking back and finding myself, to meeting to people, and experiencing new things. This is just some of the things that I have encountered over the past twelve months.
My life has been broken and repaired and now I am BACK and happier than ever! I can honestly say that I have not been this happy since I was little. I am in love with the skin I am in and I am even falling in love harder for myself. It took a lot of pain and suffering and one person who I cannot thank enough for sticking through when I wasn't myself. I have learned that without the struggle, the pain, and the heartache, that I wouldn't be who I am today. I have overcome a lot of things this year and to say that I would NEVER have expected to get through the hardest thing that I have been through in my entire life and I did.
I was able to tell thirty people about my miscarriage at once without crying. It took a lot of courage for me, to open up to people with something that hunts me daily but to know that I am finally being able to open up to others and be able to tell them about what I have been through. Shows and tells me that I am becoming a stronger person!
A lot of people have been telling me that I am a very strong person without knowing my story and I get confused everytime someone tells me that. How do you know that I am a strong person, that I will be a great leader, that you can see what I can bring to the table and I do not even know what to buy from the store to bring to the table? I take it as my personality and how I portray myself makes it seem as if I am able to carry the world on my shoulders. When in actuality, I am still a human and I cannot do everything on my own.
The months that I was dealing with my depression, I wasn't myself. I was acting out and doing things that I shouldn't have done but I do not regret it at all. I was coping differently than others would have. While doing all of this I was trying to find myself and be the person that I know I am. So, I applied to be an Orientation Leader. I went through all the interviews and ended up getting it. After my OL conference, I told myself that I was going to stop dealing with all the people that I was dealing with. So, once I got back I kept to my word. There was one guy who had other plans. Tyron to be exact, he was very persistent on talking to me after I came back from my conference. I finally gave in and we had started spending a lot of time together and honestly, that was the best thing that happened. Being around him made me see myself again and I wanted to change back. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have made through this semester. He has taught me a lot in such little time. He also encouraged me to be a better me and while doing that I was able to continue to be an Orientation Leader, become Greek of the Week, and President-Elect of my chapter.
I learned that you need supporters in your life to be able to be stable and go on about life. Not everything can be handled on your own and you do not need toxic people in your life because you will not get far in life. Those people who claim they are here for you and when you needed them the most they all disappeared. I am thankful for all the trails and tribulations that Chapter 21 has given me especially the hard the ones that had me locked up in my room crying and the ones that had me on the verge of fighting. All of it made me a better person that I am today and there is only room left for me to grow. So cheers to Chapter 21 but I am running towards Chapter 22 with open arms and an open mind.
I AM READY TO KEEP LIVING MY BEST LIFE!!