Let's Talk Situationships!

Situationships is something that we all experience in life whether we know it or not. We tend to think that if we do xyz that we are able to make a relationship out of something that was never discussed. So my Soror, Dr. LaKesha Thomas, and I are here to tell you about situationships.

Situationships seem to be rapidly replacing conventional relationships. This new trend seems to allow people the perks of being in a relationship (sex, companionship, etc) without the title or the commitment. Whether we know it or not, all of us have probably found ourselves in a situationship at some point even if we weren’t looking for one. We often end up in situationships because of lack of communication or because we are being sent mixed signals. Most people find themselves in a situationship before they have the “relationship talk” with the person they’re seeing. It’s almost like you can call them your boyfriend or girlfriend, but not quite yet.

So what exactly is a situationship?

According to Urban Dictionary, a situationship is a relationship that has no label on it.. like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.

So how do you know if you’re in a situationship? Here are some signs:

1. There’s NO Title on the Relationship

  • Meaning you are doing things that you would normally do while being in a relationship. For example, when people say “we together but not together.” This screams situationship because you either together or not together.

2. You Don’t Meet Each Other’s Friends

  • Meeting your partner friends helps you understand your partner better. So, if you aren’t able to meet the people that they hang out with then how would you know how your “partner” acts when you aren’t around?

3. You Avoid Talking About the Future

  • When avoiding talks about the future it can mean one of two things. One they are scared of commitment or they do not see a future with you so instead of letting you know ahead of time they just continue to play it by ear.

4. You’re NOT Dating Anyone Else

  • Normally this happens when you establish that you are dating exclusively, but if you noticed that you stopped talking to all your potentials and they still have others around then you have found yourself in a situationship.

5. You See Each Other Mostly at Night

  • If this is happening to you then your partner doesn’t feel comfortable to show you off in public. If you are going by them or vice versa nine times out of ten you being kept a secret and nobody knows about you.

6. You DO NOT Go on Dates

  • This ties in with Tip #5. Your partner should want to show you off. Even if it isn’t on social media. You shouldn’t be cooped in the house all the time and ordering take out.

Avoiding situationships can be tricky. While situationships may be comfortable for some, this may be bothersome to others. If your main objective of dating is to settle down and find the one, then a situationship is definitely not it. Just remember to communicate openly with your partner from the beginning about your expectations and your personal objectives for dating; and, listen to your partner’s expectations as well. We often listen to respond and not to understand, so your partner may tell you up front that they don’t want a relationship, but we get caught up and ignore that important fact. Also, watch your partners actions as well to make sure both actions and words match. People send mixed signals all the time and if the actions say relationship but the words say I’m not ready or vice versa, then it’s a situationship.

It's often said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If we keep falling into the same pattern repeatedly, then we will never change our situation. If you’re in a situationship and you want out, then you have to stop falling into the same cycle. If you’ve already fallen in love with this partner, then you have to decide whether you love them or yourself more. If the answer is yourself, then it’s time to hit the road. Here are a few ways to help you shake unwanted situationships:

1. Phone Tactics

  • Whenever you get a message or phone call from that person, if they follow you on social media you can post petty things on social media, tweet something along the lines “Somebody wanna text my phone dry?”, or if you are anything like me I turn my read receipts on and open their messages. There’s no better way of saying stop talking to me than being left on read.

2. The Friend Zone

  • So whenever they hit you up you can answer the phone like “Hey Friend/buddy/bud/kid” (that's what I do) After a while they will get tired of you calling them that and start to call you that back to get under your skin but it won’t work.

3. Working On Me

  • This line will get you through a lot of unwanted situations. Once you start working on yourself they will see that you are about to upgrade bigger and better and they will hate the fact that you are letting them go.

4. Social Media

  • POST those thirst traps on your stories and on Instagram! Show them that you are single and you have options! Let you timeline know that you are single and that you are ready to mingle. You only live once so why not go big or go home!

So I asked my followers on Twitter and Instagram the following questions:

Have you ever been in a situationship?

  • Yes 76%

  • No 7%

  • Kinda 17%

Instagram Votes

  • Yes 80%

  • No 7%

  • Kinda 13%

Do you know what a situationship is?

  • Yes 89%

  • No 3%